I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
