Im at strip club and am horny
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize