apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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