Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
