i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
