i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
