How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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