I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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