this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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