It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
