I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
