just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
