Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
