Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
