I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
