u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize