You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
