He kissed a someone with a penis
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
