just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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