I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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