I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
