When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
