I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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