Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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