I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
