U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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