how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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