Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
