the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
