There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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