Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
