He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
