Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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