Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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