What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
