I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
