Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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