Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
