Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
