My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
