So drunk its hurt
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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