he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
