Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
