we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
