Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
