The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
