so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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