when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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