Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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