If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
