dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
