She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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