I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
