Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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