well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
