You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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