i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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