Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
