I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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