and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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