So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
