she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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