I just pynch a tree in the face
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
