Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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