Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
