I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
