Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
